I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
