Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
My vagina is very pro this idea
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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