Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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