Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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