bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
