I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
