it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
