In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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