Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
