Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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