I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Randomize
