i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
