ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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