This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Floor bacon is actually really good
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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