i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
