But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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