Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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