Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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