The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
It's no shave November. This is our time.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
