if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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