Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
