I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
