umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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