real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
