Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
