he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I think I sprained my soul last night
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
