2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
