is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
