So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize