Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
