Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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