Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
