he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
