a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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