At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
