The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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