This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
