I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
