i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
