So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
