five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I don't think brook has ever known best
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
