I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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