so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
