i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
