Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize