All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
