just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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