Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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