i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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