How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
