My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
