then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
