I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize