holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
