I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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