My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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