I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize