Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
