Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize
