The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize