I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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