She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Of course I have a pirate flag
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
