Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize