I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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