i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Randomize
