My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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