He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
