omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
