You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I believe in your delicious
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
