I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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