I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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