So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
