oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
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