alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Blood and glitter go together right?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
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