3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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