You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
