so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
