I can tuck mytits in my pants
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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