Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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