Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
