I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Randomize
