you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
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