I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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