I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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