Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I'm sobbing to NWA
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize