dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
