Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
No more Irish car bombs ever.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
