his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
