I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
