I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
