I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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