And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
