i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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