big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
