Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
The air was thick with penises
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
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