How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
