Your face is a jimmy john
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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