Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
